Much Ado About the Process

Allorrss!!! It’s been a long time coming and this has been the longest case of writer’s block I’ve had – over 2 years! Where did all that time go!

But hey! Nonny, nonny!

There shalt be no bashing of oneself thus saying: shoullda woullda coullda.

You see, I’ve been and still very much going through a process that I don’t have a tag for at the moment. What I can do is describe my feelings, lessons, changes and musings. In this unnamed process:

-There’s been baba nla  (a buckload of) silence to test the faith of nations.

-There’s been a lot of uncertainty as to ‘what’s next?’

Like Joey in Friends, there’s been some homesickness (surely- because everybody knows your name and are all so glad that you came).

-There’s been scalding fire pruning my inner thorns that were killing me softly from the inside out.

-There have been challenges that surely didn’t kill me as I had thought but made me stronger and more meticulous in my approach.

-There’s been strength, liberation by the Blood and the Word- having submitted ALL my insecurities and fears including 'Lady Comparism Of Self To Others' and 'Sire Not Forgiving Yourself'.

-There’s been a mentality and attitude shift from ‘what can I get from this situation or person?’ to ‘what can I do for you?’

Don’t get me wrong- I am absolutely grateful for every undeserved blessing that I have starting from the breath that I breathe that converts these thoughts into understandable words that I type. Matter of fact, where 2016 was dubbed the Worst Year globally- by the grace and covering of God alone-, I had a pretty awesome year in terms of milestones and achievements. But there’s a huge difference between those and fulfillment accompanied by peace.

What is the bigger picture? What makes me different from over 7 billion people?

Lord, can I just get a blueprint for my life so that at least I know and we can be walking daily?

Knowing the man in me, there would be no seeking, no fervency, no faith, no dependency because I would play honorary Holy Spirit, be my guide and probably make a mess of my life. Plus what about the journey, the adventure….

It is the privilege of Kings to seek out the things God has concealed (Prov 25:2, paraphrased)

I’m still not sure of what’s ahead but what I know and AM is available to work it out and pour out what I have  RIGHT NOW so that at the end of the day I can sigh and say ‘It is good’. Whether it is in the smile I gave to the gestionnaire, the ear I gave to a sister, the support offered to a business man or whatever is required of me per season really.

I am nowhere near perfect, but if it took me a year and a half to come to miles away from where I started in these areas, a year to have the courage to ‘face my lane’ solely and more importantly articulate it in this post, then that’s more than fine. That’s actually in the nick of time and on purpose!

In essence:

1) Don’t barely exist in the process. Live and be intentionally involved in it.

ü  Start or continue the lifetime journey of getting to know the real you, motivations/drivers,

ü  Let the chaff and every weight that besets you fall,

ü  Learn your lessons and ask questions. What am I supposed to learn from this stage so that I don’t keep going in circles

ü  Let the relationships that will be- be,

ü  Build yourself in your skills, emotional intelligence and spirit. 

ü  Look inwards and evaluate- the truth hurts but also heals. You can deceive everyone you please, fake it till you make it, but please never lie to yourself. It’ll be like you inducing prison time with your bare hands- or lips

And don’t forget to be innovative in how you encourage others on the way.

2) Just do. Procrastination is the thief of time and life if you let it. There will never be a perfect time to start that business plan, write that blog post (gives self titanic side-eye), start that fitness routine but just start from somewhere. Take action. If you have an end goal write the vision and the steps needed from A-Z and start. If you need to get a mentor to help you get started, then do that. Just move.

In the words of Steven Pressfield;
 ‘Most of us have two lives- the life we live and the unlived life within us……..You think ‘Resistance’ isn’t real? Resistance will bury you.’ (The War of Art, 2002) 

I don’t know about you but I must fight and overcome ‘Resistance’ if I am going to truly live- and abundantly for that matter.

3)Trade the fear of missing out with the joy of moving on. You can’t see the hope and opportunities that are right in front of you if you keep looking at what’s behind or beside you. Moreover, one might just hit one’s head on a lamppost. Literally.

4) Let GOD. Don’t hold the world too toight to ya chest, you get it! Let the anger go and let GOD. Forgive yourself for not doing what you should have done 5 days ago and let GOD. Let that attitude of comparing yourself to others go, be grateful for what you have and let GOD. Be open to mending (or if need be completely redesigning) your 10 year plan and let GOD. Let GOD have unrestricted/ uninterrupted access to work and will in you so you can fulfill His GOOD purpose (Phil 2:13) and do the great things this earth has been waiting with bated breath for (Rom 8 :19).

Why not now?

And, most certainly, why not you?

Love,

Urilla