Diary of a Mad Chakollit Driver

YO!

How're you this blissful morn/aft?

Good!

I'm not. Or wasnt about an hour ago.

All is well with the world now as we know it!

One has been driving an awful lot lately and refuses to understand certain things about Nigerian drivers.

1)Why they turn their headlights on during the day, and more disturbingly, fog lights at night. They're called fog lights for a reason. Blasted lights threatening my sense of sight. *sigh*

2) Why drivers be acting like every other person on the road is going to see Dora the Explorer or sumnat! And in the process, form other lanes. Bros, we're all trynna get to our destinations as quickly as possible. So. STAY IN YOUR LANE. My chest was filled with so much pride and happiness as the popo made scapegoats out of 5 people at the Lekki Toll today! *evilLaugh*

3) Why some people drive like tortoises. And start speeding at the point when they decide they want to overtake. Seriously? Seriously! Gets to me every time!

4) Why Okadas drivers have a disgustingly unhealthy unappreciation for human lives. I mean check out this bonfo with earphones blasting whatever. When he gets hit, he'll be the first to throw you a waka sign and start howling in righteous indignation. Me say it again. Seriousslyyy!

5)What does it cost you to observe roadside etiquette? What does it cost you to trafficate? What does it cost you to ask? What does it cost you to wait? Only about 10 seconds? If you so much as scratch me, you'll be spending a minimum of 10 minutes, if not more. So whats the point? 

Shaiza....

Its not a myth. Drive in Lagos, Nigeria and somehow manage to keep both driver and car sane as well as alive? Yeah. You can drive ANYWHERE IN THE COSMOS!

Nuff said!

Just.

Chill. Cruise. Listen to some D'Angelo. Works like magic *wink*

On another notee!

Some people need to be more tactical. Period.

I mean, my sister's getting her hair done and a 'plump' lady came in, you know just trynna treat herself to some nice clothies. 

Yes clothies.

And the sales girl  said:

"We don't have anything your size, some people came before and they're not as fat as you and we didn't have their size. Aunty, but we have jeans in your size."

Gumption much?

I cant begin to imagine my reaction. A fine slamming of her head to the wall, perhaps?

I kid. I kid.

No violence in the modabishez!

Much love, hugs and thugs. Kissing cousins kinda stuff.

XxX

Yours sanefully mad

Yeye Oh