Dear Younger Yeye

Dear Younger Yeye,

Saying you’ll be more than fine is an understatement. You’ll be something that you never dared to dream or pray for. Trust me on this one.

Being the last girl out of 6 children and your dad’s ‘first wife’, you grew up quite sheltered and so you didn’t have the prerequisite hard knock skills needed to navigate through the formative years of your life. That’ll constantly make you feel like the odd one out and, at times, frustrated because ‘Yeye is the last  to know’. But don’t mind that.

Yeye, for the better part of your life, you let your emotions define you and what you do because once you feel something, it has GOT to be true and every other thing is a lie. That’s a big lie!!! You’ll come to realize how deceitful and fleeting your emotions are and that they can never outweigh the truth which will set you free. This is no way saying you should ignore them but a wiser approach would be to actually sleep over them and with time, question the wide range of emotions you eventually learn to label. Accurately.

You hear the phrases: ‘stay true yourself’, ‘ never back down’, ‘never change for anyone’ etc. They sound so deep and resonate within but what do these really mean? You’ll begin to find the answers as you get into real life experiences after High School. While still trying to sift through what life is and how to essentially turn yourself into, Stone Cold Steve Austin in University, you’ll find that wearing all black clothes, eyeliner and lipstick is just a seeming cover to keep you unapproachable ergo, no more pain and drama in your life, right? You do this in a bid to adjust yourself to fit the idea of what the world defines as ‘strong’ but only end up cheating yourself out of truly expressing yourself. You see that even through the many painful experiences with friendships, you can never control what one person says or does to you but what you CAN control is YOUR response, attitude and perspective.

You’re probably wondering, ‘my future life sounds like the Diary of a Mad Black Woman movie’ but hang on. It gets a whole lot better. You see, all these twists and turns were arming you with the tools you need to walk the roads your colour-energy-green –self would never ordinarily be able to. They gave you a staying power that you couldn’t kumbaya through. Kabod.

Your wealth won’t come from your bank balance, diversified investments or promotions. It’ll come from your relationships. Your greatest assets are the people you surround yourself with. Your squad. You don’t need a thousand in your army. Just a few tried and tested that you can confidently vouch for. Not everyone is going to be in the sacred place. Know who each person is to you and always make the time. Invest in them even though you’d rather ‘shoop’ by yourself. Be carefully spontaneous in what you say ‘YAS’ to! Most importantly in this regard, stay open to other points of view, never insisting on your way or the high way.

In your late teens and early 20’s you’re convinced you know what love should be because of how emotional and sensitive you are: mad, dramatic, fun, energetic, obsessive- to name a few. How could you have known your definition of love was completely skewed when you hadn’t KNOWN Love Himself for the apt point of reference? You’d heard of Him a couple of times but He meets you where you are when that break up you thought would kill you doesn’t and begins taking you on a journey you are still on. You figure out later on that there’s nothing more attractive in relationships than PEACE.

Your career isn’t what you’ll plan it to be. You’ll study Computing with Management because you were told that’s where the money’s at and you’ll get offers before you graduate. You absolutely hate coding and Java but it’ll teach you the importance of attention to detail. That wrongfully placed comma in the middle of a 3,000 line code that refused to run? Yeah, enough said! You’ll graduate with a 2:2 which people will tell you means you might have as well graduated with a 3^rd class because nobody wants the bottom of the food chain. Remember what I said about controlling your responses to what people say about you or your future? Case in point. Don’t EVER believe you aren’t allowed to dream or want better. Don’t let that make you believe you aren’t enough because you are! You’ll settle for less in terms of roles you get but still doggedly apply yourself in building the foundation for cross-functional experience and relationships.

It’s never too late to start over. Don’t let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game! If it means you have to give up the status quo and learn a new language or go to a country where you have NO back up. Do it! I’ll tell you for free that you started living life when you decided to quit your steady paying job and make that change. You’ll go through bouts of excitement, fear and uncertainty but you’ll know you’re on the right track.

You worked hard, did the needful and so much more and that was important in building integrity, dedication and patience in you but I think it’s unfortunate if a man has to work for EVERY SINGLE THING HE HAS. Surely, favour HAS to make a way at some point in his life. Like the dream of a job. No, MEANIGFUL WORK that you are doing right now. How would you have even prayed for that? Yet in this short time, this place has pushed and challenged you in ways that are feeding into your personal life. You’re more assertive and know how to pick your battles. That timid mew from the cat is definitely and still transforming into the lion’s roar.

Why did you have to go through these, why not have the Master give you a blueprint so that you can follow a checklist day by day? Where would the fun, wonder, searching , journeying and forming  of self come from if it was THAT straight forward? You’ll discover and be grateful for the power of hindsight- the lens that makes almost everything clearer.

Let this keep you going: Time has and will continue to show- you’ve never walked alone. This is your reality. Your assurance. Your confidence and courage.

Inhale.

Exhale.

You’ll be more than fine.

Love,

Present You

Techniquette

Allo Allo Mes Potes!

Ça fait très longtemps!

As it happens to be, we find ourselves in the thick of the digital era.

A world where anyone who is anyone must have some kind of traction on the web that is ever so

world-wide.

Technology has become such an integral part of living, relationship management and, on a corporate

level- organizational survival as well as sustainability; starting from smartphones to softwares a.k.a ‘apps’; from Instant Messaging (IM’ing) to blogging; And while we’re at it, let’s not forget the ever global trend that is here to STAY...

*drumroll*

SOCIAL MEDIA.

It’s all gravy with each of these platforms providing privacy settings, user guides and the what-have-

you’s but what about the unspoken code of conduct for communication?

No handbook on techniquette.

Yes, techniquette- the art of conducting oneself gracefully- especially in a digital age.

So...to walk the talk, here are a few pointers on how to keep up with the Jetsons:

1. Kindly Stow Away Thy Gadgets

This might be the hardest thing just because our gadgets are extensions of our hands/personalities

and we are so used to them. You would literally have to sit on your hands to do this but it is all mind

over matter. Intentional.

Tuck your gadgets safely into your purse/pockets whenever you are involved in any social

interaction; whether it be at your hangout with ‘the girls’, date night with the boo, friend of a friend’s

birthday ‘bash’, business meeting with the Boss, Quiet Time or Sunday Morning Service.

These are not the times to refresh your twitter feed or check out the ‘tabloids’, but opportunities to

learn how to be an active listener. Your relationships and spirit will thank you.

So fight the urge to grab your phone, stare your oppositions, Mr. Awkward Moment and Miss

Uncomfortable Silence, in the face and maintain your social graces.

Paraventure you have some emergency you never hespeddet (expected), excuse yourself from your

audience and step aside to do the needful.

2. Decrease Your Misunderstood Quotient

If it happens constantly when there are face-to-face conversations with people (when you can

leverage off emotional intelligence by reading body language), imagine just how much EASIER it is to be MISUNDERSTOOD via texting/ social media.

Being ‘tech savvy’ is a lot of work and this involves being cheerful and putting a lot of smileys or LOL’s as the cases may require.

Stay sweet and polite. Use your THANK YOU’S and your PLEASE’S and your SORRY’s generously. It will save a lot of tension/confusion and doesn’t cost that much- just a few seconds!

Or better yet- leave the important details for calls or face-to-face meetings.

3. Play the Shorthand Right

I am also blithely aware of the fact that there is no time to waste time. Every second counts.

However, if you are going to use shorthand in conversations OUTSIDE of your ‘inner caucus’, DO

stick with the conventionals and PLEASE take the extra minute to compose a legible email, text, chat

or direct message (DM) to unfamiliar people.

In addition, if you are going to wish somebody a happy birthday on social media, please don’t be lazy

about it.

‘HBDLLAP’ as opposed to ‘Happy Birth Day, Long Life and Prosperity’?

Case in point.

There are enough letters to go around. In the very least- 280 characters.

4. Attention to Detail is GOLDEN

While the main aim of texting or chatting may be to save time, it’s always best to read over what you

type before hitting the ‘whoosh’ button- especially with the advent of auto-correct. You can never go

wrong with being ‘too formal’ or ‘too appropriate’. So keep it professional and classy.

There’s a difference between ”its” and ”it’s”.

Between ”their” and ”they’re”.

Between ”your” and ”you’re”.

5. Silence isn’t Always The Best Answer

As said earlier, time is a commodity and most times we feel that 24 hours/day isn’t quite enough.

It’s understandable that we get caught up in the craziness of this marathon of life- and in the process

mistakenly ignore people who message or are trying to have conversations with us.

But just to maintain peace with all men, it’s always best to send a short reply apologizing for your

unavailability and requesting to message/call at another time.

It’s true, you don’t owe any one explanation but REALLY, what does it cost you?

Last TIP- maybe most important; PLEASE DO NOT SELFIE SNAP, TEXT, INSTAGRAM, FACEBOOK, TWEET, SNAP CHAT or IM while driving. Wisdom is profitable dear Ones.

When all's said and done, this is not a ‘Take Me Back To The Days When We Just Talked To Each

Other In Person And Sent Letters Via Bleach-White Doves’ campaign.

No ma’ams and sires, au contraire it is just to say you can be present and absent at the same time without causing irritation to those around you or, worse, tarnishing your integrity.

After all, ‘a good name is to be more desired than great wealth; to be esteemed is better than silver

or gold’ (Proverbs 22:1), n'est pas?

We are made for each other and to sustain , not break down our relationships.

‘Attention is a compliment- pay it undividedly’ – Y.O

Love.
Urilla

Much Ado About the Process

Allorrss!!! It’s been a long time coming and this has been the longest case of writer’s block I’ve had – over 2 years! Where did all that time go!

But hey! Nonny, nonny!

There shalt be no bashing of oneself thus saying: shoullda woullda coullda.

You see, I’ve been and still very much going through a process that I don’t have a tag for at the moment. What I can do is describe my feelings, lessons, changes and musings. In this unnamed process:

-There’s been baba nla  (a buckload of) silence to test the faith of nations.

-There’s been a lot of uncertainty as to ‘what’s next?’

Like Joey in Friends, there’s been some homesickness (surely- because everybody knows your name and are all so glad that you came).

-There’s been scalding fire pruning my inner thorns that were killing me softly from the inside out.

-There have been challenges that surely didn’t kill me as I had thought but made me stronger and more meticulous in my approach.

-There’s been strength, liberation by the Blood and the Word- having submitted ALL my insecurities and fears including 'Lady Comparism Of Self To Others' and 'Sire Not Forgiving Yourself'.

-There’s been a mentality and attitude shift from ‘what can I get from this situation or person?’ to ‘what can I do for you?’

Don’t get me wrong- I am absolutely grateful for every undeserved blessing that I have starting from the breath that I breathe that converts these thoughts into understandable words that I type. Matter of fact, where 2016 was dubbed the Worst Year globally- by the grace and covering of God alone-, I had a pretty awesome year in terms of milestones and achievements. But there’s a huge difference between those and fulfillment accompanied by peace.

What is the bigger picture? What makes me different from over 7 billion people?

Lord, can I just get a blueprint for my life so that at least I know and we can be walking daily?

Knowing the man in me, there would be no seeking, no fervency, no faith, no dependency because I would play honorary Holy Spirit, be my guide and probably make a mess of my life. Plus what about the journey, the adventure….

It is the privilege of Kings to seek out the things God has concealed (Prov 25:2, paraphrased)

I’m still not sure of what’s ahead but what I know and AM is available to work it out and pour out what I have  RIGHT NOW so that at the end of the day I can sigh and say ‘It is good’. Whether it is in the smile I gave to the gestionnaire, the ear I gave to a sister, the support offered to a business man or whatever is required of me per season really.

I am nowhere near perfect, but if it took me a year and a half to come to miles away from where I started in these areas, a year to have the courage to ‘face my lane’ solely and more importantly articulate it in this post, then that’s more than fine. That’s actually in the nick of time and on purpose!

In essence:

1) Don’t barely exist in the process. Live and be intentionally involved in it.

ü  Start or continue the lifetime journey of getting to know the real you, motivations/drivers,

ü  Let the chaff and every weight that besets you fall,

ü  Learn your lessons and ask questions. What am I supposed to learn from this stage so that I don’t keep going in circles

ü  Let the relationships that will be- be,

ü  Build yourself in your skills, emotional intelligence and spirit. 

ü  Look inwards and evaluate- the truth hurts but also heals. You can deceive everyone you please, fake it till you make it, but please never lie to yourself. It’ll be like you inducing prison time with your bare hands- or lips

And don’t forget to be innovative in how you encourage others on the way.

2) Just do. Procrastination is the thief of time and life if you let it. There will never be a perfect time to start that business plan, write that blog post (gives self titanic side-eye), start that fitness routine but just start from somewhere. Take action. If you have an end goal write the vision and the steps needed from A-Z and start. If you need to get a mentor to help you get started, then do that. Just move.

In the words of Steven Pressfield;
 ‘Most of us have two lives- the life we live and the unlived life within us……..You think ‘Resistance’ isn’t real? Resistance will bury you.’ (The War of Art, 2002) 

I don’t know about you but I must fight and overcome ‘Resistance’ if I am going to truly live- and abundantly for that matter.

3)Trade the fear of missing out with the joy of moving on. You can’t see the hope and opportunities that are right in front of you if you keep looking at what’s behind or beside you. Moreover, one might just hit one’s head on a lamppost. Literally.

4) Let GOD. Don’t hold the world too toight to ya chest, you get it! Let the anger go and let GOD. Forgive yourself for not doing what you should have done 5 days ago and let GOD. Let that attitude of comparing yourself to others go, be grateful for what you have and let GOD. Be open to mending (or if need be completely redesigning) your 10 year plan and let GOD. Let GOD have unrestricted/ uninterrupted access to work and will in you so you can fulfill His GOOD purpose (Phil 2:13) and do the great things this earth has been waiting with bated breath for (Rom 8 :19).

Why not now?

And, most certainly, why not you?

Love,

Urilla

Musings: Allow

Un, deux, trois... Allez!

Take The Plunge

What’s crackalacking absolutely blessed and beautiful people!
It is I, your Reigning Lady and Love, Urilla- the Soldier Bride.
And I hereby speaketh.

Sooo. I’ve been doing some thinking- musings if that’s whachumacallit- about a couple of things and what stands out the most for me is LOVE.
No, not the overly mushy love (could you get any more cheese on your biscuits, like hellloo?)
Not the Tyler Perry leave you hanging from a cliff love (shout out to the ‘Laivest Guy’. You know yourself).
I’m talking about some good old soulful, self-sacrificial, all-consuming, never ending love.

So.
What is love, then?
Why love in the first place- like kinni big deal, though?
You hear and see so much on the tweet and ‘real’ streets…. And one can’t help but wonder…
Where is the love, yo???
Is it that hard to get a little understanding or kindness without it turning to sleazy expectations?
Scratch my back, I scratch yours.
I meaann…

The truth is that , and my spirit bears witness to this, the main call in life is to LOVE
ALL
DEEPLY.
Not some, or the people who make it soooo easy to give of yourself.
ALL- Ranging from the stranger you just met, to the mother you admire so much, to the God you reverence the most.

It’s almost human for us to come up with these statements that sound so cute and deep, but actually make no sense and lead people to drink from a fat goblet of lonely misery and bitterness.

‘Oh.. I’ll just let you DO you and I’ll DO me. Stick to your lane and vice-versa. Ahan.. Love is not that hard’ (except I beg to differ).
‘Never make anyone a priority if they only make you an option.’ (superrr cute right? An emo smiley and Toni Braxton’s ‘Unbreak My Heart’ would go quite nicely with this one).
'Don’t cross oceans for people who wouldn’t cross a puddle for you.’
'I choose to trust and depend on myself so when I get disappointed… I know it’s all on me.’

Setup of the highest order if you ask me.

Misery loves company and we all come up with these setup statements. Alll in a bid to fulfil Maslow’s hierarchy of needs i.e self-actualization/ esteem and the protection of it thereof.

But what’s the guarantee that when you put your trust in your fragile strength and incomplete wisdom, you won’t be even more disappointed?
Personally, I choose One who is always reliable and true. He’s very risky. Plays hide and seek sometimes.
But always good.
All the way.

When He said that the greatest love you can show to another man is lay your life for him. He didn’t mean go and buy koboko, flog yourself and carry a 12 foot cross.

He meant lay down those sassy statements you heard at the movies the other day and DO ME.
DO LOVE.
He meant throw your ego and sense of entitlement to the wind. Get uncomfortable. Give your time, resources, words of encouragement and life.
Truth is that whatever you think you’ve been doing, and I write to myself as well, it’s never really been you. You’ve just been a means to do what would have been done anyway.

‘For what does a man have that has not received from the abundance of Heaven?’

Who gave you the ‘strength to be kind.. even when you had your own stuff going on’.. You think you’re Michellin?
Or those words of wisdom that were so on point? You think you’re that smart, ey?

Is there a thin line between loving and being needy?
Is there a thin line between concern and overbearing?
Is there a thin line between guarding your heart and hardening your heart?
Is there a thin line between life and death?
Is there a balance?

Fo’ sho!
Can you figure it out on your own?
I don't know about you but I know I've tried and failed.
APLENTY

It’s only human to think of yourself first and nothing short of spiritual to put yourself last- or better still ‘lose yourself for good’.

The man who trusts completely and withholds nothing from God- that is the one who will flourish and bear fruits in the famine.
On the other end- the man who trusts in his psychology degree, I.Q and bank account…
Not a very pretty sight.

Utterance in prayer is good.
Bouncing back from the fall is great.
Power is very powerful.
Hope and faith are wonderful.
The only thing that will stand the test of time and seasons.
The only thing that will change the world as we know it today is ONE THING:

LOVE.
REAL INTENTIONAL LOVE, not the form or motions.

So heres me saying in a nutshell:

Be available to be used.
Let it go, let it drop, leave it all. Those insecurites, doubts, false foundations and dissapointments
Break.
Love freely and deeply- no explanations, apologies or regrets (either to yourself or the multitude of them).
Hold your breath.
Shoulders up
Legs akimbo
Take the plunge
And DIVE IN.
Sprinkle some love, as my sweed gohl- Harry CashMonies would say.

Then and only then can we move forward in all ships placed before us:
Godship
Friendships
Relationships
Parentships
Anddd all the ‘zones’ in the ships… You know what I mean- the brother, sister, teacher, stranger zones.
Ponder pon this and have a wonderful Love day as you continue to love all day long- alll the way!


Your Lady Love,
Urilla

The Unwritten Psalm

Version: Uri’s Living Testament

Oh Lord

My God.

The God who belongs to me and I belong to.

My first.

My last.

My everything.

I will tell of your marvellous works!

I will declare you nature which has stood the changes in times and seasons; life and death.

Who can tell what your next move is!

Who can predict how you go about the logistics and operations of your intentions!

My whole life- heart, body and spirit- SCREAMS for joy at the thought of Your ever mighty right hand.

Your hand that guides me

Your hand that leads me

Your hand that keeps me

Your hand that rescues me on the regular.

Even when I was my own enemy. Going left when you clearly told me to go right.

Or better yet: Stand still.

I wait on You.

For You.
And my my!
Are You- You!

Be who You’ve sworn You are so effortlessly

With so much grace

With so much love

With so much mercy

With so much awesomeness.

With so much perfection in Your timing.

 

I celebrate You my Maker and King
The orchestrator of my destiny
The one who gives me brass shoes for the battle and endurance for the marathon ahead
The Glory of my life
The Light of my world
The Lifter up of my head
My all-sufficiency. Enough for me even when I have not.
The Ultimate Undeserved Priceless Indescribable gift.
I am so thankful

From now until eternity and what lies after that
For your mindfulness.
For having thought of me at all.
It is Your hidden good thoughts that preserve me
That call all those things I am not as if I already am!
It is your mindfulness that stands up for me when the multitude of them speak against me. Or try to!

I look no further.
Not in device nor creed
Not in charioits
Not in the economy
Not in man
Not even in my fragile strength

My faith has found a resting place
There is no need for any show of Your nature to Your personal person
There is no need for any argument
There is no need for any plea.
It is finished.

And You are enough.

 

Highly Blessed
Urilla 


"Flourish...Is only the beginning."

Tune In

'Whether you turn to the right or left, your ears will hear a voice behind you saying: THIS is the way, walk in it'- Isaiah 30: 21

God's got your back.
100 percent.
He's behind you leading you across the path of of light and truth, that you will avoid certain pitfalls and speed-bumps.

He's got you and IS for you.
If the SAME God that made the heavens and the earth and everything in between;
If the SAME God who speaks and life is birthed;
If that God is for you, WHO can stand against you?

Truth time- that you may be set free.
The devil is the greatest liar that ever lived.
He uses deception and subtle subtext to create in-your-face-self doubt to question the validity of God's word in your mind.
'Did God REALLY say? Are you sure?'
'Are you sure you're not making it all up in your head, you know you have a rather wild and vivid imagination?'
LIES!

God really did say and is still saying!
He is SO in the business of keeping His children in the know and letting them in on His plans.
'I no longer call you slaves, because a master doesn't CONFIDE in his slaves. NOW you are my friends, since I have told you everything the Father told me'- John 15:15

He is speaking and does so in different ways.
-His written word and the quickening of it (when you hear or read a scripture and it 'jumps' within you)
-A still small voice
-Thunderings or open heavens (mostly what we look for)
-Impressions (or those feelings we JUST cant shake off)
-Divine appointments or disappointments (otherwise known as coincidences)
-Visions and dreams
-An inner knowing (a knowing within your knower)
-Closed or open doors
-Counsel or advice

What does He sound like?
You
He sounds like you.
Your thoughts.
He speaks your language
At Pentecost, He spoke to every man and woman in THEIR OWN language.

We are in perilous and trying times.
Evil upon evil.
One vicious unending circle of darkness.
A lot of us are looking to the right or to the left
Confused
Unsettled
Wondering
Where do we go?
What do we do?
Who do we talk to?

Look no further.
God isn't some far away, unattainable concept.
He's right there.
IN YOU.
Greater is the GOD within you than he, she, they, the times, seasons and powers in the world!

He lives IN YOU and He wants to let you in into His thoughts and intentions.
He wants to speak of His plans for you.
He wants to show you how to navigate the storms of life
He wants to build you up in your most Holy faith, that you might STAND firm. Unshaking, Unwavering. Sure of WHO you believe in.
He wants to show you He is ALL that He has said He would be.
He wants to give you all that pertains to godliness and righteousness.
He wants to give you strategies for living a spiritually effective life.
He wants to show you HOW to love His children as He intended from the words 'Let there be light.'

'When you hear my voice, DO NOT harden your hearts'
That is, it is not a matter of 'Is God really speaking?' 'Can He?' or 'Will He speak?'
It is WHEN.
He lives IN YOU and speaks to you ALL the time. Even at this time.

Can we cast aside what we feel and hold on to the integrity of Gods words?
Can we tune in?
Mind
Body
Spirit
Emotions
Thought processes
To Him who has built a home in us and open up to all He's saying?

There's so much He want to do through us and IN us.
If only we would humble ourselves and break down every false foundation we've built up in our hearts.

More than YOU do, God wants His perfect and good plans (the plans which exceed your expectations) to be established in your life.
More than YOU do, He wants to show you His agenda for the nation you've been mindfully and purposefully placed. Things to come.
More than YOU do, He wants to be closer to you than ever before. To have your hearts merged into one. To follow as He leads.
He IS the Good Shepherd and will not lead His sheep (who hear His voice, by the way) into death or destruction.

Again, He's saying:
When you hear my voice, do not harden your heart.
This is the way. I AM the way.
Walk in Me.
Walk with Me.
Submit all that you are for WHO I AM.
Listen to Me.
Obey me no matter how irrational and unconventional My words may seem.
Defy the norms and expectations of others and obey Me.

Then, you will experience the fullness of My nature and all that I carry.

May He grant us faith to believe in all He says- as He says and give us spirits that are quick to run with the words He gives us.

Have a fantastic week.

Love,
Urilla.